After he saw the chat, he was in bed for a month, he almost lost his job. The stakes feel so high, like if I do something wrong he might be hospitalized or even kill himself. I don't want to loose him but I do want to be myself. I know I should have tried to talk to him about this earlier, I was just too scared. Let us be clear, as Catherine said, none of this is about making excuses for lying. However, there is often a good reason.
Infidelity is a very complex topic and is rarely black and white. Many people cheat even when they love their partner deeply and often cheating or other kinds of lies happen when a person feels like they have lost some part of themselves and are trying to regain it. Sometimes their partner rarely or never wants to have sex with them - something we don't think of as universally evil or selfish but which can have grave consequences on a relationship.
Sometimes the kind of sex they are having isn't at all satisfying but the partner doesn't want to try anything different. Sometimes the relationship has become isolating. And, sometimes there are so many good things in the relationships often including shared children , that the stakes feel too high to tell the truth and face the potential loss. All that said, we want to emphasize that lying to someone you love can have very grave consequences. It impacts trust and can shake the foundation of a relationship.
Many relationships don't survive a lie, especially one that involves sex outside the relationship. The way we see it, one of the worst parts of lying is that it takes the choice away from the deceived person, which often leaves them feeling humiliated. They are going along under one assumption about what is happening in the relationship and then suddenly they realize they've been wrong. In addition to simply feeling hurt, they often feel naive or downright stupid. Coming back from that humiliation can take quite a bit of work and a very supportive, understanding partner.
10 Most Common Lies Men Tell On The First Date | YourTango
Ultimately, the real healing comes when there is mutual understanding and empathy about why the lie happened. Many people don't want to lose a relationship that they have so much invested in, so they try and keep their secrets close. While it seems devastating when it is revealed, lying can offer an opportunity for couples to go deeper and understand where each of them stands, and what each of them really needs in the relationship.
Real Life. Real News. Real Voices. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. News Politics Entertainment Communities. HuffPost Personal Videos Horoscopes. Part of HuffPost News. All rights reserved. Skip to Article. Activation and expression of the 'true self' on the Internet.
Journal of Social Issues, 58, Hall, J. Strategic misrepresentation in online dating: The effects of gender , self-monitoring, and personality traits. Hancock, J. Deception and design: The impact of communication technology on lying behavior.
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Proceedings of the Conference on Computer Human Interaction, 6 , Lu, H. Sensation-seeking, Internet dependency, and online interpersonal deception. McKenna, K. Journal of Social Issues, 58 1 , Qiu, L. Putting their best foot forward: Emotional disclosure on Facebook. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 15 10 , Rowatt, W. Deception to get a date.
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Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 24 11 , Lying to get a date: The effect of facial physical attractiveness on the willingness to deceive prospective dating partners. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16 2 , Toma, C. Separating fact from fiction: An examination of deceptive self-presentation in online dating profiles. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34 8 , Zimbler, M.
Liar, liar, hard drive on fire: How media context affects lying behavior. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 41 10 , Another element here is that people will reveal things about themselves online that they wouldn't be honest about in person. So a person who you can trust to be open with you online won't necessarily be open with you face to face. That raises another question: if someone is honest online but less honest in person, does that honesty still matter in the way that face-to-face honesty would? That's an interesting point. But I wouldn't necessarily consider discomfort or reluctance to reveal certain sides of your personality in face-to-face communication "dishonest".
Tired of People Lying to You? Here is Why They Are Doing It (and How to Stop them)
As an extreme example, imagine a person who is very socially anxious and has a great goofy sense of humor but never shows it to people - But online, he feels free to show that side. I wouldn't call such a person dishonest in his face-to-face interactions. Also, all of us show different sides of ourselves in different situations or with different people e.
For some people those who reveal the "true self" online , you may get a more complete picture of them online than offline, but it's not as though they are deliberately deceiving people offline, as seems to be implied by this line of reasoning. But, some tries to find their special someone in there too, some had good experiences and some are unlucky.
But the question is, have we tried talking to them, have we tried to get to know them? So if your answer is NO, then why do we easily start to judge persons who are in an online dating site. People who are in MyForeighGirlfriend site are people who wants to find true love, it may seem not true, it may seem that its fake but why not give them a try and see where things would lead you to. Internet exposes us to a different world entirely. Internet is a world on its own and is not different from our regular world where we meet different people with different personality traits.
There are just as many good people as there are bad people online. However, I have good news for you, you can now run a comprehensive background check on anybody you meet online to be really sure of their true identities with our Online Background Check service. You can also find out what your spouse or partner does behind your back online. I get over 30 guys per day using an Americans pictures. They are all Middle Eastern men trying to chat with American women.
How To Tell If Someone You Met Online Is Lying To You
It's disgusting and deceitful. I now only video chat! The surprising role your social network has in romantic relationship success. Research shows the many sometimes hidden ways friends influence your romances. Does parents' approval of your relationship make it seem more or less desirable? Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. The New Science of Sleep Experts suggest ways to correct the habits that keep us from resting well. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Waking Up Lost and Confused.
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Some may actually be more honest online than off. My opinion Submitted by Alexandra Kosheleva on March 3, - pm. Online Investigator Submitted by Rochelle on November 29, - pm. Identity Fraud is real!