Dealing with Loss : Through the Eyes of a Child

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I am still yet struggling with these losses. I can pray for you and I will pray for you. Just know that there is no expiration on grief. Take all the time you need in order to heal and when you feel strong enough then and only then can you help the next person. God sees and he knows. Prayers from my heart and soul go to you. Grief that reaches the depth of despair. Our 19 year old son was in a drowning accident. Thank God his two friends survived. Then the questions come WHY God? Was I being punished?.

Peace of mind comes from knowing he is safe, well cared for, happy, loved and without pain and someday I will see him. It has been over 36 years. I fight never to think back at the tragedy the pain is eternally unbearable. I remember how much I loved him and still do. Forever a changed person, more aware of others and the grief they are suffering.. I lost my older brother almost 9 years ago.

He was only 38 years old. He was estranged and ostracized by my parents for several years after he came out as gay at 19 years old. Us four other siblings rallied around him and always accepted him for who he was he was such a good person and our brother , but it took a long time for my parents to come around. Eventually, in the end, he was the one who came home and took care of my parents when they were going through some tough times, and then he took a turn for the worse.


After he died a horrible death from AIDS related complications my mother never recovered. My Dad remains silent, stoic and detached. My Mom remains cold, emotional and aloof. We all mourn my dear brother. The death of a child is profound, but grief is not unique no matter who died. Life is for the living and our beloved deceased family members would want us to celebrate this life, not crawl up into a hole and become useless because of their passing.

I have children of my own, and my heart would ache like no other if they ever died before I did.. But I am also cognizant of the fact that life is for the living. Celebrate your child. Celebrate your loved ones. We were very blessed when my brother died because our mom had 4 other children to take care of. We rarely saw her cry I guess she did most of it alone. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. This is a touching article. I definitely must agree with C Southard. There is no need to one up anyone on grief. Grief is extremely hard when any loss is experienced. Divorce is a kind of death and is a deep loss even with someone who is living.

So, the idea that reconciliation is always possible just because someone is alive is not accurate. And, that is the loss of someone that has faced rejection from family members or divorce. Grief is grief. Wow… there are so many of us. We lost our son to brain cancer, diagnosed at 17 months old, he died four months later.

That was 11 years ago. He is still very much a part of our immediate family, his brother and sister including him in their identity of family, but the extended branches of the family are awkward at best. Reading through many but admittedly not all of the comments I want to share a book among the dozens that folks gifted us we found helpful from page one: When the Bough Breaks Judith R Bernstein.

My hope is that every one of you has even just one person you can count on to just BE! And as for the joy purported to be on its way, Khalil Gibran has a piece that illustrates this juxtaposition with great eloquence. My younger son passed on 23 September and your words apart from no. There are now 12 turkey wishbones in a red and white lanyard hanging just to the left of where I am sitting typing this..

He was 32 years of age when he died. I lost my son during July of He was 27 years old. I agree that holidays are especially hard. However, there has not been a day that I have not grieved for him. I read a quote recently written by an unknown author. It is a passage through which we travel. It is not a place to stay. To grieve does not show a lack of faith or a lack of strength. Grief is the price we pay for having loved someone.

There are many times when I do seem to be frozen in my passage of grief. May God comfort all of you who have lost a child. This was so moving! I tragically lost a brother when he was 10 years old. My parents had 5 children and loved all of us equally. When my brother died, we all had such a BIG loss. My sisters and Mother would sit at the kitchen table talking about him and his life and the funny things.

We would all end up in tears but I think that was the best therapy we could have ever had! We spoke so much of things he did and loved doing that when we all got married and had children that they also talk of him the was we had as if they knew him. We kept him living through our memories and have passed it down through the years. He had just become a cub scout and absolutely loved fishing and being outside. The day he died he caught a 10 pound bass and mama took his picture! She would have taken tons of pictures if she had known that would be the last one!

Always talk about your loved ones who have passed away and keep their memories alive. Thanks so much for the post! I lost my son Shane on Sept. A part of my heart went with him. This is the worst loss I have ever experienced. I find myself crying all the time. Wow… I lost Kyle 20 years ago and have trawled the country Ireland looking for answers and counselling, this is a great source of comfort for all grieving parents. It is a life sentence of pain,loss,grief and what ifs..

The author of this article has penned it correctly in her description. But time helps. God bless us Mammies and Daddies alike. I lost my 22 yo daughter to cancer, I feel fortunate in that, we knew she was dying, and I was able to hold her and talk to her, say all the things I needed to say, prior to her passing, We hurt so much because we loved with our very being, my comfort is knowing that she is in a better place and I will join her again some day, God Bless you all andI pray for your peace and comfort.

I lost my baby girl age 5 years, 4 mos. In Rarely a day goes by that she is not in my thoughts. I was blessed to have 3 more children, and love them dearly, but the loss of Deanna forever changed my life. I have never met anyone else who has lost a child, no club to share my grief. We lost our 24 year old son Nov 7th He suffered a life of mental illness and took his own life. Yes the club, a club that you will never be thrown out of. My heart is heavy for all that are here whom have lost a child. I lost my son December 16, , it was 4 days before his 27th birthday.

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To an overdose. I miss him all the time. I also feel doubts in myself as his mother. Could I have changed anything? He was a really great kid, with a really bad problem. So thank you for this. Thank you for your words of comfort! I lost my precious son, Cory over 29 years ago, at the age of 10 almost 11 yrs. He was loved by everyone that met him. Living with this pain is torture! I really want to read more of what you have written! Thanks again for your thoughts! Dallana Loper. This article could only have been written by someone who has lost a child; it is very right on.

Four Ways to Help Children Cope with Loss and Grief

I lost my oldest son in a motorcycle accident at the age of 41 not sure exactly what happened to cause it. That will be five years February 20, he had a 15 yr. For nearly 3 years I hardly left the house except to go to his grave and to counseling. Then my mother fell and broke her hip so I had to move I had to be with people because I wanted to be with her to help her.

She was sent home with hospice and we were told she would live 2 days to 2 weeks she lived 18 mo. I had spent every single day with her and my Dad then on March 19, she passed away at the age of In less than 3 months my youngest son 43 committed suicide on June 7, leaving behind a 17 yr, daughter and 8 yr. I have a 40 yr. I lost my daughter and first child 30 minutes after she was born.. Full term.. I was only 19 years old. We sued the Hospital and won , but of course that gives you nothing back.

I never knew I was this strong, and I now know that I can make it through anything! My baby girl will be remembered forever. My 24 yr old son, Bill was accidentally electricuted at work 36 years ago. Still feels like yesterday. Every detail of that day is etched in my mind as though it were just this morning all over again. Maintaining sanity and living a positive, productive life has been a lifelong struggle.

Bill was a happy, free spirit and enjoyed everything and everyone he knew. How have I coped? Bill was married only two months. They were very much in love and looking forward to a long and happy marriage. All I could think of was his wife and the grief she was suffering as a new bride. Her beloved was taken from her and she was devestated. I on the other hand had two precious sons still living. God is good. These two sons have filled a void that no one else could.

Both happily married and productive in their work and now I have 4 wonderful granddaughters that fill our lives with so much joy. Bill still lives on in our hearts and we find comfort in talking about him and remembering our good times together with him when we are lucky enough to be together. How long does it last? BUT becomes overshadowed with joy and love for all the many blessings we have including the sweet, sweet memories of the God given soul HE loaned us for 24 years. We did the best we knew how and I know he is with our Lord and Saviour and we will all be together again one day.

I lost my 20 year old son to suicide 7 years ago. After being a single parent for 17 of his 20 years and having no other children your statements are true and correct. I will grieve my son all of my life. He was my world. Ten years prior to that I loss my wife suddenly and without notice when she was 45 leaving me to raise my two boys alone who were 13 and 15 at the time. Michael, my youngest, was devastated by the loss of his mother. He never recovered and went into a deep and lasting depression resulting in marijuana abuse,then getting entrapped into the juvinile justice system and eventually spending 7 months in the Carrier Clinic locked up like a criminal offender.

He never hurt anyone except himself and would like to thank him for that now. After years of despair he finally came around and attended Sanford Brown Medical Institute as a surgical technologist student and graduated with honors. He obtained a position in a hospital in western PA where he moved to with his girlfriend. Shortly thereafter she left him breaking his heart and moved in with her mother in central PA. Then one weekend when he was scheduled to work she called and ask him for a ride to NJ so she could visit some friends.

He went out of his way to accommodate here, got someone to switch at work and picked her up on a Friday night. It was dark already and he was going down a steep unlighted, wet highway and came upon a sharp curve unexpectedly. The car slid out of control into the woods hitting a tree. He died on the side of the road and luckily his girlfriend escaped uninjured.

I have never and will never be the same since that fatal night. I just struggle through each day trying to find what happiness I can elsewhere but it is always tainted with the loss of my son. My heart was broken into pieces 3 months ago 2 days shy of his birthday he committed suicide in our yard. He would have been He was loved by everyone. I am so heartbroken. This is exactly how I feel about my son Matthew.

He was hit by a car on Aug 3 while leading a bicycle tour. He was pronounced dead Aug 9. He was I miss him everyday and say his name all the time. He and I were kindred spirits. I want to celebrate him. Out loud. Life is so,difficult. I remember your son and have keep him in my prayers. Little did I know at the time I would be going through the same in unending life.

My daughter in law died at 43 from cancer. I grieve for my sons loss as well. I am so very grateful for the years we had as she battled multiple myeloma for 20 years and then died in 68 days from ovarian cancer. The people in my online grief groups have gotten me through these past 15 months. I do believe grief is lifelong and my heart hurts for all of you who share this grief. This is January 12,, the anniversary of when we buried my 2 sons that were killed when hit by a train Jan.

These children was my life, I raised them in church and all three were great kids. The Hosp. His body was so infected with Mersa, that his body just could not heal. He was on a ventolator ever since he was flown to the hospital by helicopter. He also had Cancer on top of his head.

After all this I am not the same. I miss them everyday. I had already helped bury 23 relatives including my Granddaughter, whom I had to bury since she was still in the Hosp. The only child I have left. I loved my sons. My heart aches for all of you, I too lost my daughter when she was 37 years old. She fell backwards down her basement steps. God Bless all of you! In reading all the comments here and being deeply touched by them, as well as my own grief, what stands out is the utter and dire separation that death means for us, and how death is so permanent.

At the risk of being judged for saying this, I am so grateful to the Lord Who did not spare His only son, Jesus Christ, Who in turn made the way for us and truly overcame death in providing Himself AS the ransom for mankind in how death entered the world and has a hold over even one person let alone all. We were not meant to die! We were never meant to ever be separated! And just like God, we are meant to live for all of eternity.

While I do grieve not being with my loved ones in the flesh now, I am deeply comforted that I will be with them again! And forever! My husband of 40 yrs. Two funerals in 6 weeks for your family will show you where your faith is. Thank you,Father for your abiding grace. Jeannette Z. I came. I have always been fairly reserved, but I am emotionally frozen in that day May 21, when my beautiful baby girl left me , my husband passed Jan.

I am inthat deep dark hole and my inside are shattered. Despair and loss are all I can feel. I want to lay down go to sleep and never awaken. How ever realistically it is not an option. So I suffer in silence and pretend. My daughter was 38 and died of a drug overdose lying 5feet away from me. Why did I not know ,how could I not feel her need for help? We lost a son and daughter over 60 years ago. The hole has never left our heart and a day has not gone by that they are not on my mind and I wonder what our lives would have been like if they lived. Somehow, after lots of time, I was able to accept what I could not change …that did not mean I no longer grieved, it just meant that I had to go on living and not let losing them destroy me, but somehow use my pain to make me a better person which would honor them..

I could not live with thinking their lives and their deaths were for nothing.. I look forward to seeing them again one day when I get to heaven.. We lost our lovely daughter who was 18 on september 22 in a car accident. My wife and I strugle each day dealing with this horrible tragedy. Words like yours are needed to help us get through this. Thank you, Ed Cockey. I lost my daughter just over two years ago , she lost control of her car and ended up in a river , she drowned aged 18 , My life will never be the same again , I am destroyed , heart broken , and so so sad.

Miss you Hannah Louise Yates. Complex grief is horrible! Lost my Mama at 14, Papa, 20 years later! Thanksgiving week of …train hit dune buggy carrying 2 of my young grandchildren…. In between, more family and many friends…. Then, , my ex husband and my older sister!! In between.. Holes in our hearts that only He can fill!! I know we will all be reunited one day…. In between tears and pain…I write and try to self publish to help others!! Salvatrice, please write for prayers…. I wish that I was not apart of this club.

I lost my mother at age It was difficult and painful. However that pain does not compare to the loss of a child. One in and one in As I go through my life, no one seems to allow me to communicate my loss. If I mention one of my children, they change the subject. Thank you for articulating this so beautifully. You speak for many of us who could not find the right words.

This made me cry but it also made me smile because he was my 1st grandson and there was something very special about Him. I am so proud of your family and the love you all share. I love you all and miss you every day. This was so true and answer some of my questions. On March 20, , my daughter, Amelia was in a homicide. We are still waiting for the crime to be solved. She is 35 years old and I miss her so much. Just to hear her voice…………………………. After a few consultations we were given the diagnosis and prognosis, Duchene Muscular Dystrophy and for the next 6 years we watched him dying in front of our eyes and no cure anywhere.

He died aged 15, at home in bed that was 28 years ago and i am so full of grief,anger,tears even now. My chiropodist came today and she told me she had lost her son when he was 24 it had destroyed her as it has done me. Last month we lost our wonderful 21 year old son in an auto accident.

It seems like less pain would deny how much we love him still.

Loss Of A Child Quotes (63 quotes)

Yet, today I enjoyed the precious joy of being with my living children and grandchild. To each of you, I am truly sorry for your loss. God strengthen us each day, please, please. I feel for everyone in the club. I feel better that it is not only me that this will never end for and sorry for you at the same time.

From what looked like fever to death within 24 hours. Now I feel like God abandoned me. We named him victory even before he was conceived because my first boy was diagnose with ASD and later had asthmatic episodes. We hoped that he would be victorious over every sickness when born, but rather he died I am wondering if I will ever be truly happy again in this life because it feels like i have forgotten what that feels like.

I need someone to talk to please. We lost our son almost 10 years ago at the age of 19,we are not suppose to outlive our kids. This article is so very true,I feel for all that suffer the loss of a child it is definately a club we belong to but never asked to join. I really wish more people understood the loss and how it is a lifelong sentence that we have to endure. God Bless those so few that try. I lost my daughter on July 25, Besides, moving on is much easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace. It is difficult for many grieving people to ask for help.

They might feel guilty about receiving so much attention, fear being a burden to others, or simply be too depressed to reach out. What can I bring you from there? When can I come by and bring you some? Your loved one will continue grieving long after the funeral is over and the cards and flowers have stopped.

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  4. The length of the grieving process varies from person to person, but often lasts much longer than most people expect. Your bereaved friend or family member may need your support for months or even years. Continue your support over the long haul. Stay in touch with the grieving person, periodically checking in, dropping by, or sending letters or cards.

    Once the funeral is over and the other mourners are gone, and the initial shock of the loss has worn off, your support is more valuable than ever. The pain of bereavement may never fully heal. Be sensitive to the fact that life may never feel the same.

    A child’s eye view of death: the power of picture books to explain

    The bereaved person may learn to accept the loss. The pain may lessen in intensity over time, but the sadness may never completely go away. Offer extra support on special days. Certain times and days of the year will be particularly hard for your grieving friend or family member. Holidays, family milestones, birthdays, and anniversaries often reawaken grief. Be sensitive on these occasions. If a grieving friend or family member talks about suicide, seek help immediately. Even very young children feel the pain of bereavement, but they learn how to express their grief by watching the adults around them.

    After a loss—particularly of a sibling or parent—children need support, stability, and honesty. They may also need extra reassurance that they will be cared for and kept safe. Answer any questions the child may have as truthfully as you can. Use very simple, honest, and concrete terms when explaining death to a child.

    Children—especially young children—may blame themselves for what happened and the truth helps them see they are not at fault. Open communication will smooth the way for a child to express distressing feelings. Because children often express themselves through stories, games, and artwork, encourage this self-expression, and look for clues in those activities about how they are coping.

    Grief: How to Support the Bereaved — How to help in the first few days, how to listen with compassion. Better Health Channel. How to Help a Grieving Person — Series of articles on bereavement support, including how to help parents, families, friends, and co-workers. Journey of Hearts. I was supposed to be ready to say goodbye. After all, she was in her seventies and had been ill for quite some time. I was not a child or even a young adult. At my age I was supposed to be ready. My mother's cancer had been diagnosed four years earlier, so I was supposed to be ready.

    Her cancer had metastasized and her prognosis was very poor, so I was supposed to be ready. Her health had been rapidly declining before my eyes and she was living out her final days in a care facility, so I was supposed to be ready. My family and I knew the end was coming, so I was supposed to be ready. Society gives few messages and the ones that are given seem mixed about how to "appropriately" grieve for parents.

    Yet the unstated message is that when a parent is middle-aged or elderly, the death is somehow less of a loss than other losses. The message is that grief for a dead parent isn't entirely appropriate. When a parent dies, we are supposed to be prepared for this normal life passage, or at least be more ready to accept it when it happens. We are expected to pick ourselves up, close the wound quickly, and move on. We should not require much time to get over it.

    Loss of a Child - Omar Suleiman - Quran Weekly

    However, just because the death of a parent is common place and is the natural order of things, this does not mean a person can or should be expected to simply and quickly bounce back. On the contrary, the death of one's parent s is extremely difficult for most if you have had a good relationship with your parent s and even if you haven't.